Alright, so you really screwed things up big time. Fretting over the apology part? I admit that it’s awfully hard to say sorry. Saying sorry implies that you were wrong and the other person was right. Think what you may, but being the first to make amends does not make you any less a man. It just makes you a better, bolder, manlier man!

1. Take full responsibility

The first step in making amends is to recognize where you went wrong. Don’t just say sorry because you want to bury the issue. You need to admit to yourself that you have offended and hurt the other person.

Put yourself in the other person’s shoes giving him/her the benefit of the doubt, wherever required. When you decide to apologize—either verbally, through an email or a card—ensure the other person understands that you are taking responsibility for what went wrong. Oh, and please don’t apologize through a SMS as many people tend to do these days. Not only is it too short a cut for a decent apology, but it shows that you don’t have enough time to write an email or a card or you don’t think the issue is important enough.

Describe your offense, so the other person knows what you’re apologizing for. Describe how you think your actions and words may have affected the other, and that you understand and feel sorry about generating those negative feelings.

2. Don’t share the problem

All too often you offer a touching apology and feel that the person is thawing. But suddenly you realize that you just seem to be headed for another argument.

Uh oh! Ten to one, you’ve been trying to share the problem! ‘Yes, I was wrong but so were you,’ is not the message you want to give out. Avoid qualifiers, hidden messages and the ‘buts’!

Remember that if you take the responsibility, then you need to be in a position to shoulder the entire blame. Perhaps, the other person may respond to your apology by admitting that he/she was wrong too. If that happens, great! But if it doesn’t, you shouldn’t be the person to point it out!

3. Explain but don’t justify

There’s a very thin line between explaining and justifying. You can explain why you did what you did, or said what you said. But you need to get across the message that in spite of that, your reaction was unwarranted.

4. Don’t evoke sympathy for yourself

If, in rendering your apology, you deviate into describing how you felt and how sorry you are for your hurt feelings, you’ve lost your point.

This is not about you. It’s about the other person. So, no sob stories please! Especially, if you are around a woman. Some women may fall for your sob stories, but the smart ones won’t and you’ll just end up sounding like a pathetic windbag.

5. Changed behavior

The best way to prove that you are sorry is to change the offensive behaviour right away. Let the other person know that you are going to take the initiative to change. And don’t just stop with the words. Make sure you demonstrate the new you as early as possible!

Try to impose an appropriate penalty on yourself if you do not change. This one is a clincher, especially with the opposite sex. And don’t do that by trying to make light of the issue. Many a sincere apology loses its credibility because of a poorly timed joke.

6. Repair the damage

If at all it is possible, your apology must include correcting the injury. If a temper tantrum led you to damaging somebody's property, offer to fix or replace it.

Sometimes, the damage may not be quite so obvious, but you still need to offer help in whatever way you can. Ask the other person what concrete steps you can take to amend the issue.

7. Don’t force forgiveness

Your part is to render the apology. But be prepared to face the fact that the other person may still not forgive you. Don’t lose your cool if somebody isn't able to fogive you. Perhaps, the timing wasn’t right. Think of other ways to appease them.

8. A defense attorney of sorts

If you feel that the other person simply may not accept your apology, get a common friend to intervene on your behalf and get him/her to convey the idea that you are sorry. However, you can’t stop there.

The common friend must only lay the foundation on which you can apologize later.

9. Space and time

Give the other person some space and time to get over the hurt. Don’t try to force your remorse or make them feel compelled to forgive you. Apologize and give them time they need to cool off. Don’t downplay their feelings or try to invalidate it by implying that they are over-reacting.

10. Spend time together

Once the initial hostility is laid to rest, go the extra mile to spend time with the other person. You shouldn’t intrude on their freedom, but you could perhaps arrange for a little get-together with other friends, where you can all have a good time. As the happier memories replace the bitter ones, you’ll be well on your way to recovery.