How To Have A Healthy Argument

An argument can leave you feeling that you’ve just been hit by a tow-ton truck. But if you handle it right, an argument can clear the air and can make your relationships stronger.

Any relationship is bound to have its share of arguments - with girlfriends, friends, bosses or wives; you will inevitably fall into disagreements from time to time. You can’t avoid them, you can’t help taking a good nasty jab at your opponent but you definitely can fight it out healthy and avoid strained and broken relationships.

Given below are argument tactics most of us resort to. We tell you why they can be so destructive and ways you can turn them into healthy argument techniques that give better results and avoid sticky situations in the future.

1) The blame game

Don’t we all love playing this one. It’s easier to make someone else the bad guy than admit to our own faults. As a blamer, maybe you feel that by owning up, you’re going to make your side of the argument sound weaker or it will completely negate your right to win the argument. However denying responsibility will only leave the issue unsettled, which otherwise could have been achieved through compromises made between you and your adversary.

We say: You can still assert your point while being apologetic about your behavior. Tell the other person you’re sorry for blowing your top off and at the same time tell them what bothers you about their behavior. People are susceptible to give in if you do too.

2) Resorting to @#$%^&*

Swearing in an argument comes off as insensitive and undignified and makes things ugly, especially when the fight has been resolved but the person still remembers what you actually think of him. The tactic then shifts from a disagreement of opinions to a personal attack and therefore should be cautiously avoided no matter how angry you are.

We say: Make use of expletives when you’ve nicked yourself during your morning shave but when in an argument, keep it clean. Stick to the issue at hand and not the person. A rational explanation is much better than spewed out banter in anger.

3) Acting violent

Thrashing the remote or sending plates flying, stomping your feet, pounding your fists against the table and slamming doors are all associated to behavioral patterns of spoilt 5 year olds than two mature adults having a tiff. Other than causing expensive damage, there’s nothing you can get out of it. When at work or at someone else’s place, keep your anger contained and play cool.

We say:Excuse yourself from the scene to give your self time to cool off. Go for a long walk, rummage through some magazines or listen to your favorite music.

4) Introducing new issues

You have reservations about your girl talking over the phone with her best guy buddy but during the course of the argument on the topic, you’ve also dragged in the way she annoyingly throws her shoes around or acts impertinent with your amiable neighbor. By the time you’re done resolving the shoe and neighbor issue, the guy problem is still simmering for a future tiff. Keep to the issue. Don’t bring in too many topics that can’t be settled in one battle otherwise you’ll just be carrying over pending issues every time without solving them.

We say:Deal with the present problem. Keep track of what’s being discussed at hand and think of ways to solve it. It’ll keep the argument focused, short and cleaner.

5) Walking out

Storming out of the door the minute an argument gets too heated is great in a way that it gives you time to cool down and think things over and prevents you from saying things you might regret later on. But it has its down side as well. Leaving the scene shows that you are intimidated and therefore don’t want to continue a fight you are losing or you don’t care to fix the problem even though the other person is present to sort things out.

We say:Remember that the other person is just as angry even though you may be in the right and a calm way to sort it out is step back a bit and tell the other person to slow down a little too. Change your approach and try to explain and not argue what has exactly gone wrong and then try to talk it through.

6) Making it “personal”

This way is to fight it dirty. Other than dealing with what has actually ticked you of, you’re also making personal attacks on the other person like saying “Well at least I don’t…” and by doing so you unintentionally hurt the other person. Bringing up your friends miserly nature when arguing about a borrowed C.D can escalate the fight in to something nasty and destructive for both sides.

We say:Keep to the matter at hand and tell your friend what pissed you off in the first place. This way he’ll know what not to repeat and it’ll end on an understanding note. Avoid highlighting your friend’s downfalls as a human.

7) Playing the victim

You always have an excuse for your behavior and make the other person feel guilty for accusing you and later want to be pitied because of it. When the victim is accused of being pushy, he claims to only want to be liked and the cries that his opponent has just done the opposite. This generally means that the victim is shirking responsibility and will be viewed as someone who doesn’t pull his own weight. Carry this on and people will get fed up and ditch the playing victim game.

We say:Stand up and admit your fault. If you genuinely feel you’ve been trampled on, tell the other person and be assertive for a change. If you come across as an arrogant person, accept it and tell people you’re working on it. Acknowledge your role in the altercation and move toward a resolution.

An argument should not leave you or your opponent with a bad taste in the mouth. Arguing it out calmly and getting the other person to see your point of view is something that you can easily master. Trust me, it’ll make your life a hell lot easier.