In this article, the Player will give all you PITs (Players in Training) a number of excellent tips on overcoming the fear of rejection. Believe it or not, there was a time when I too suffered from similar complexes, so everything that I am about to share has been tried and successfully tested by Yours Truly.
'There is no such thing as rejection'
Sez who? Says the PLAYER!!... and thousands of other Pick Up artists from around the world. But have you actually understood the spirit behind the words? Are you even trying to break through your mental prison of doubt and pessimism, the walls of which just keep getting thicker and stronger with each rejection, each LJBF (let’s just be friends) line you’re forced to accept?
While these words have the power to help you do exactly that, you would be rendering them powerless if you just half heartedly accept what I am saying, while harboring the belief that you are just being fed a load of frog-shit.
Believing a new set of values
The Player knows that what he has just said about “rejection” is absolutely true. If you find it a little hard to accept my belief, then that’s just because you have been conditioned by your environment to believe the opposite.
'What exactly is Rejection?'
You all know the answer to the above and most of you are acquainted with the feeling of it. Shunning and social disapproval. Losing your social standing with a particular group or getting excluded or disqualified from a particular social circle. That’s rejection for you. Sounds scary? Well, it should.
Why do we dislike/fear rejection?
Something like this is bound to bring out painful and unpleasant emotions. Because we humans have been hardwired to survive and work as a part of an organized social group where our presence is acknowledged by our fellowmen, whenever that is refused to us, we feel miserable.
If we have actually been “hardwired” to react to rejection, then how can it not be real?
Finally we are getting somewhere. Just because our psyches have been tuned to react negatively to rejection, that doesn’t make it more real or true. In the “Matrix”, Neo started ducking bullets and jumping across buildings the moment he realized all those rules of nature were just computerized codes which could be bent and broken.
In the same way, the second you realize that that your reaction (fear, grief, wretchedness) are just codes that are fed into your grey cells during the evolutionary process, you too would be able to power your way out of those emotions. The second you do that …poof ..There will be NO such thing as rejection.
Of course, it’s easier said than done. While the concept of there being no such thing as rejection can be philosophically argued and validated, practicing the same in your life will take some effort.
"How can I stop myself from getting affected by rejection?”
Let’s reframe this question and make it a little specific to the problem we’re facing.
“How can I stop feeling bad whenever I get rejected by a girl?”
Desensitization
Desensitization is a powerful psychological technique that I picked up during my brief stint in the BPO sector. It basically means that you desensitize yourself psychologically to a particular situation by encountering it again and again. When it comes to approaching girls, you can desensitize yourself to the negative effects of rejection by exposing yourself to the situation as many times as it takes. All you got to do is bite the bullet and take the plunge (excuse the worn clichés.) This technique is helpful, but when combined by visual desensitization it becomes all the more powerful.
Visual Desensitization: Create a mental picture of the approach. Imagine yourself talking to a stranger, eliciting responses, making her laugh and just walking away without feeling the need to take the interaction any further. By not feeling the need to get her approval, you are able to detach yourself from the outcome of the approach. That’s correct. You aren’t at all concerned how the situation will turn out, as it can’t affect your life in any way whatsoever.
Feedback, not failure
Make approaching women your personal video game. If your fighter gets clobbered in the first round, if Sachin gets his stumps shattered, you don’t feel sad, you don’t break your Cricket 2007 CD and tell yourself that you are hopeless. You just keep playing and keep learning till you start winning all your games. This is how rejection too should be treated. Each rejection teaches you something important, something valuable that can be added to your game. So instead of feeling hurt, you will start treating rejection as nothing more than some valuable feedback that’s actually helping you improve.
Here’s the real biggie
REFRAME rejection:
Reframing is an NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) technique. Once you have detached yourself mentally from the effects of rejection, you will be able to do some amazing things. For example, if you try, you can actually visualize rejection as something hilarious – something that gives you a good laugh. Visualize yourself being blown off in an outrageous way; imagine the wild expression on the girl’s face.
Now that you have made it part of your reality, something that is a part of your inherent belief system, make it a part of your desensitization. When you approach a girl and get rejected (note the italics), just laugh. Don’t laugh after you have walked away from the girl; DO IT IN FRONT OF HER. The confused, almost shocked expression on her face will just make you laugh even more. Laughter has a crazy effect on people. Sometimes when a girl sees that she has no power to destroy your pride and ego, it shows your higher value – something, which by itself, is enough to spark her interest. If not – beautiful girls are everywhere.
Now that the Player explained all the basic techniques you need to overcome the fear of rejection, all you have to do is believe in what you have just read and practice the techniques till you are able to approach any girl and ask her for her number without any apprehension about getting rejected. Good luck.
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