Perhaps titling this article “The Reasons Why Most Women Feel No Attraction Towards Nice Guys, Even Though They All Claim That Those Are The Kind Of Guys They Want To Meet” would have been more appropriate. While I was tempted to use this as the title, the reason why I refrained from doing so was simply because it would have meant denying the basic right of self expression to the millions of Indian men suffering from the nice guy syndrome. No one should feel compelled to change his inherent nature especially if it’s actually “nice”. But then again, it hardly feels “nice” to see all those beautiful girls with luscious bodies gravitating towards the jerks and the bad boys, while all you draw from them is the LJBF (Let’s just be friends) line.
Nice Guys Get No Booty
If you are into watching stupid American chat shows, you will keep coming across whining women saying things like “But Oprah, There aren’t any nice guys out there... All the men out there are such jerks and losers. I just want to be with a real nice guy.” See the story’s absolutely same in the US as well. As you stand in front of the TV mentally screeching “HEY, OPEN YOUR EYES. I AM THE GUY YOU ARE LOOKING FOR!” you can bet that there are billions of guys all around the world who are shouting the exact same thing.
Even though women mourn the absolute dearth of nice guys, yet every time you try to score with one of them, your attempts, at best, aren’t taken too seriously and, at worst, are met with jeers and scorn. This usually happens with girls who are right on top of the beauty ladder, so most nice guys have no option but to stick with the women who are beautiful inside. And I know that’s NOT what you PITs are looking for. So what the hell is going on here?
Ok, here’s the answer. As usual, women are all talking in code. They always do this.
Cracking the Code
What women imagine when they think of a nice-guy, is a man who’s able to make them feel SAFE, but in a way that doesn’t compromise his inner sexual attractiveness. It’s a wonder that it took me so long to figure out this part of the puzzle. For a woman, a nice safe guy means nothing more than someone who is physically harmless. THAT’S IT. It just means a guy who won’t force himself on her, won’t use date-rape drugs or won’t resort to any such despicable things. However, in terms of what such a guy can actually do to her emotions… that’s a completely different story.
It is this special blend of safe & dangerous, exciting & boring, hot & cold that most women look for in men. It’s what they love for. This is their definition of having that sparkling sexual chemistry with a guy.
Nice Guy = Loser Guy
The biggest problem with acting overly nice or being lap-doggishly friendly around women is that such behavior communicates the worst kind of subliminal message to them. Understand this fact that a major part of the communication that takes place between a man and a woman in the first few stages of a romantic relationship is always non-verbal. Words do play an important role in the seduction process, but it is the vibes and the signals that do most of the talking. So it’s what you don’t communicate with words that will decide whether you get laid or masturbate. (Pardon the poor rhyming.)
Here’s the reason:
Women don’t see the “nice guy” act as something deliberately done in their presence as a well meaning but messed up attempt to impress them. Had that been the case, they would have actually appreciated the gesture. Instead, when you pull off the nice guy act, they actually believe that you have been TRAINED (yes, like a DOG) to act this way by the more powerful and the more domineering men in the world.
So in other words, women think that men do the nice guy act in the presence of stronger, more powerful men in order to protect themselves from harm. (Please don’t hurt me since I am no threat to your status as the leader of the pack…let me kiss your ass and be your harmless lovable sidekick.)
For attractive and desirable women, this niceness is nothing less than a huge billboard with the words “LOW STATUS MALE” written in red and therefore …It’s an enormous turnoff for them.
So the point to remember is that for women, their Prince “nice-guy” charming is one with whom they: a) will feel safe to be with b) won’t feel embarrassed to show off to their (judgmental) friends and family. There is a huge difference between being a completely chauvinistic psycho and an ass kissing wimp. What you have to do is find that safe middle ground.
So what are some of the effective ways in which this theory can be put into practice? Though it’s rather difficult to describe exactly how one should go about being the PERFECT nice guy, I will give it my best shot.
So here goes:
Never broadcast your Niceness
You should never act like a nice guy around a woman, but…
You should always want them to think of the “nice-guy” being a better facet of you. So making an occasional “nice-guy” gesture will just add to the charm and make you more appealing.
Are you able to make sense of what I am trying to explain here? The problem with being a nice guy is that you consciously try to come across as nice, rather than just naturally letting it happen. You should never try to deliberately act “nice” around women. The only thing you need to do is drop a hint here and there, so that your woman thinks that it’s also a part (but just a PART) of your personality. Never EVER broadcast your nice guy appeal to women as if it’s something you are actually proud off. It’s simply not done.
Here are a few examples of what I mean:
Non-verbal Communication: When you first interact with a woman, you should quickly open up several lines of non-verbal communication in a way that should send a variety of subliminal messages to her subconscious brain. You must be able tap her instinctual mating desires by making her see you as a potential sexual partner without saying anything to that effect. Sounds really tricky, doesn’t it? It’s actually very easy. Two ways of doing this is by maintaining extended, meaningful eye contact with her and by briefly and inoffensively touching her on the parts of her body that she deems to be non-sexual (like her arms and elbows). Both are casual and innocent and yet send powerful signals to the deepest part of her brain.
Nice-Guy Hints: Drop little hints about the “nice guy” side of your personality, but do nothing to actually demonstrate it. You can do this by a) slipping in hints that you have strong social and familial relationships - an obvious sign to her that you are normal & connected and b) that you have a number of exciting things going on in your life like a successful career, a fulfilling hobby, several recent adventures that you had. (If you don’t have any, just make up convincing stories.)
Be Wicked: Be playful and unpredictable. Make fun of her. Have double-meaning conversations with her. One of the easiest ways of doing this is by challenging her beliefs through humor mixed with a dash of cockiness. More often guys are so afraid that they might say or do something that would freak the girl out, that they end up playing it extra safe and come across as super NICE and super BORING. Don’t be that guy. Even though you might feel terrified at the prospect of losing her, you have to ensure that she doesn’t get a whiff of this. So always be relaxed around her. Your aim is to make her feel that you are the catch. If she even gets a hint of your desperation, you’ll be out before you even know it.
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