Reader’s question
Dear Angela,
My girlfriend is not talking to me and I need help. I think the last time we had sex I got a little extra aggressive, but mind you, I was only role playing. It’s been a week and I don’t see the same enthusiasm for sex in her anymore. Is there something I’m missing out on?
Dr. Angela’s reply
There are many reasons why a woman can get sexually turned-off. Unlike what you see in the movies , sex is not free from awkward situations, goof ups or embarrassments. We might do something unconsciously because we are so habituated of that, but for the other person, it could be a total switch off. In all my years of experience, women have mentioned many things guys do which turns them off sexually. Read to know if you are not doing any of them:
1. Bad hygiene
Women hate when guys smell or have poor hygiene. Before you even think about hopping into the bed, you should make sure you've showered and don't smell like you’ve just come out of a pig sty! In addition, it's important to do the proper maintenance actions like shaving, applying deodorant, cleaning your ears and brushing your teeth. Though some woman may like the body odour, but too much of even that is bad; bad breath especially that of onion & garlic is the biggest turn off. If you constantly smell bad, go visit a doctor.
2. Being a poor kisser
If you have seen the movie Hitch, you know exactly what I mean. The first kiss is the most important thing when starting is relationship. It tells tales about your sexual compatibility and believe it or not, it also says a lot about you as a person. Show some passion when kissing her; show her that she makes your pulse race! Acting in a wispy or aggressive way while kissing is such a turn-off.
3. Saying ex’s name
‘Oh Neha!’ you moan, her name’s actually Shelly! Oops. Your credibility just went out the window and, no doubt, the passion went with it -- probably for weeks together.
If you do happen to make this huge blunder, be extremely apologetic, give her a massage and take her out for a romantic dinner. Don’t stop brownnosing until she forgives you. She will, eventually. But first, you'll have to prove that she is the only one for you and that it was an honest mistake and that, no, you don’t think about anyone else but her -- ever -- because she is the most beautiful, intelligent, witty, and fantastically sexy woman you have ever met. At least she should think so.
4. Acting like a wimp
The simple truth about sex is women want to be with men who act like MEN. If you're acting like a wimp in the bedroom, then you're turning her off. Wispy behavior involves asking her if "she's enjoying herself" or being too afraid to try new things.
5. Acting too aggressive
Now being too aggressive is just as bad as acting like a wimp. When you try to push a woman around you'll display disgusting behavior. If she thinks you're only concerned with your own pleasure, then she won't enjoy sex with you. While women want men who act confidently, you should NEVER get too aggressive with a woman.
Be gentle and firm, and before engaging in any aggressive sexual behavior, make sure that she's up for it. Otherwise you could be left high and hard with a very turned-off woman on your hands.
6. Rushing things
A half-hearted attempt at foreplay is a big turn off. If you are one of those who believe in skipping the foreplay altogether, so that you can get the part that you are more interested is not just boring but down-right insulting! So don’t complain if she’s not very keen on making out with you coz honestly, this is frustrating for her. Like I have told you numerous times before, we women need foreplay and romance to get aroused. To us, the build up and the foreplay is as just as important as the ‘main act’.
Finding yourself in an uncomfortable situation during sex is not uncommon. In fact, we are led to believe that sexual encounters should flow beautifully and be indefinably passionate, and that nothing hilarious, embarrassing or awkward ever happens. We all know by now that this is not always the case. You can help prevent things from being your fault by being prepared: Be clean, follow good sexual etiquette, and show respect for both your relationship and your lover. The bottom line? If you follow these guidelines, you will get more sex.
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