This week's letter comes from a guy who is desperate to bring spice back in his otherwise dull sex life!
Reader’s question
Hey Doc,
My wife and I have been married for 4 years. In the beginning we would be at each other night & day but that did not last long. I feel there is a change in her and she does not respond to me like used to. In fact more often than not, she doesn’t want to have sex and even when we do I know she isn’t into it. What should I do doctor?
Dr. Angela’s Reply
Sex can become dull and monotonous if you don't keep the spark alive and the spontaneity flowing. Let me tell you the various things that women like and dislike in bed. Use these 10 very useful tips and keep the passion flowing through your relationship.
1. Go the extra mile
If you get into bed every night and she knows what is going to happen, how dull can that be! Change the routine because routine is boring. Go the extra mile and please her. Spend more time on her than usual. Go down on her, kiss her everywhere, and make it more about her than you. Surprise her and you will reap the benefits as well.
2. Be spontaneous
If you are in bed, or even prior to going to bed, don’t ask her for ‘permission’ to have sex. What a way to turn her off! Show her you want to have sex. Don’t force yourself on her, turn her on instead. Maybe that means kissing her on the back or the neck. Find out what gives you permission without actually asking it.
3. Get busy anywhere
Variety is the key to a successful sex life. Use the kitchen floor, the stairs, the shower, the couch and even the dining table! Making love in different places adds variety.
4. Try out new sex positions
Get Kamasutra savvy. Shun the missionary style, experiment with different sex positions like the doggy style, woman on top and many more, which will not only stir up your sex life but also help your woman orgasm better.
5. Share a fantasy
Not only can curiosity be sexy, it also has the power to shift your relationship, from being boring to exiting. Too many people have 'psychic sex,' they think they know what the other person wants, when often they may be hiding the same desires. Talk it out then act it out!
6. Get the romance back
Women love romance. You don’t have to cook a 3 course meal, or buy her sexy lingerie, romance can be as simple as telling your girl that she is beautiful, or bringing a bottle of wine home and taking time out for the both of you. Suggest a walk together, or a bath. Romance is so diverse. Surprise her. If you never take a walk together, suggest going for a walk and finish it with a glass of wine or coffee, whatever suits you both.
7. Experiment with your girl
Whatever you do don’t go through the motions when having sex. Don't be afraid to try things out with her. Ask her what she likes, what positions she prefers, what fantasies she has, what she likes you doing to her. Talking about your sex life is a great way to make sure it doesn't go downhill.
8. Tell her - You love it!
Make sure you let her know that you are enjoying having sex with her. Keep touching and kissing her, let her know that you are into her. Whisper in her ear how beautiful she is. If she isn’t used to this, it is sure to send shivers down her spine.
9. Moan & murmur
Make noises as well. If you aren’t comfortable making noises, start out softly. This will show her you are enjoying every moment; it will arouse her more and may also encourage her to make noises as well.
10. Ignore the clock
Stop viewing sex as a night time activity; you may be too tired to do it then anyway. Make a date, take time off your work and plan to meet at home in the afternoon, for a session of hot steamy sex. This will add some much needed spice in you love life. Making love at night time just becomes monotonous. Variety is the spice of a great sex life!
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